Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
Boundaries. We hear about them all the time — setting them, breaking them, and everything in between. But what are boundaries, really?
What Boundaries Really Are
Boundaries are safeguards you set for yourself. They protect your emotional space, your physical comfort, and your mental energy. More importantly, they are not contingent on anyone else. Boundaries aren’t about controlling another person’s behavior — they’re about clarifying what you will do to care for yourself.
That’s what makes them so powerful. You can’t force someone to treat you a certain way, but you can decide what you’ll accept and how you’ll respond.
Examples in Action
Here’s the difference:
Weak or unclear boundary: “You can’t talk to me that way.”
This places the responsibility on the other person to change, leaving you powerless if they don’t.Strong, healthy boundary: “If you talk to me that way, I will need to walk away.”
This shifts the focus back to you. You’ve clearly stated what you’ll do to protect yourself, regardless of the other person’s choice.
That shift may seem small, but it changes everything. Suddenly, you’re no longer waiting for someone else to respect you — you are actively respecting yourself.
Boundaries vs. Walls
It’s easy to confuse boundaries with walls. Walls shut people out, often built from fear or past hurt. They leave no room for connection. Boundaries, on the other hand, are more like fences with gates: clear, flexible, and intentional. A fence marks where your space begins and ends, but it also allows for openness, communication, and closeness.
Healthy boundaries create safety. And safety builds trust. And trust deepens relationships.
Why Boundaries Feel Hard
If boundaries are so healthy, why do so many of us struggle with them? Often it’s because:
We fear disappointing others.
We confuse saying “no” with being unkind.
We’ve been taught to prioritize others’ comfort over our own.
We simply don’t know what our limits are until they’re crossed.
Learning to set boundaries requires unlearning some of these beliefs and practicing new ways of relating.
How to Begin Setting Boundaries
If you’re wondering where to start, try these simple steps:
Notice your signals. Pay attention to when you feel drained, resentful, or uncomfortable. Those feelings are often signs that a boundary is needed.
State it clearly. Use “I” statements that focus on your action, not on controlling the other person. For example: “I won’t be able to take calls after 9 pm,” instead of “Stop calling me so late.”
Follow through. A boundary is only as strong as your willingness to hold it. Following through consistently shows others (and yourself) that you mean what you say.
The Gift of Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t about pushing people away. They’re about protecting your peace so you can show up in relationships with more honesty, compassion, and presence. When you set clear limits, you’re giving both yourself and others the gift of clarity. That’s where deeper connection begins.
So the next time you hear the word boundaries, don’t think “selfish” or “cold.” Think: healthy, safe, connected.h a
