Self-Harm and Why It Makes Sense
Self-harm is confusing. After all, why would anyone want to hurt themselves? Pain is something we usually run away from, not toward. Because of this confusion, people who self-harm are often stuck in a painful spiral of shame and self-disgust.
But here’s the truth: self-harm does make sense when we look at it through the lens of survival. Let’s slow down and understand this a little more.
Throughout my time working with clients who engage in self-harm—whether through cutting, burning, skin picking, or other behaviors—there are some common themes that come up again and again:
Turning emotional pain into physical pain.
The emotional pain is so overwhelming that putting it into something physical can feel easier to manage. Physical pain has edges, it’s tangible, and in some ways it feels more controllable.The release of built-up intensity.
Some describe it like having air trapped inside them. The pain, tension, and pressure build and build until it feels unbearable. Hurting themselves brings a release, almost like popping a balloon.Punishment and self-worth.
Others feel that they deserve punishment for things they’ve done, or even for simply existing. In this way, self-harm becomes a way of reinforcing deep feelings of guilt or shame.
When viewed in this light, self-harm is not about weakness or attention-seeking. It’s about protection. It’s the body and mind trying to make pain more tolerable, to find relief when nothing else seems to work.
Of course, while self-harm may bring temporary relief, it does not heal the underlying hurt—it often deepens the wound of shame and isolation. But by understanding the logic behind it, we can replace judgment with compassion.
If you or someone you love struggles with self-harm, know this: you are not broken. Your pain makes sense, and so does your coping. And healing is possible—with support, safety, and gentleness toward yourself.
