Anxiety Is Helping You (Yes, Really)
I know—you're probably rolling your eyes right now, maybe even muttering, "How on earth could anxiety possibly help me?" It feels like your constant nemesis, wrecking your peace of mind, leaving you restless, edgy, and sick with worry. Add the physical symptoms—stomach cramps, migraines—and it seems impossible to see anxiety as anything but an unrelenting enemy.
Let’s pause for a moment. Take a deep breath with me… Inhale… Exhale… Okay, let’s dive into this together.
According to the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, every part of us—yes, even our anxiety—has good intentions. These parts aim to protect us and keep us safe. You might be thinking, "Good intentions? No thanks!" But hear me out for just another minute.
A client once shared an interesting insight during one of our sessions. At first, she seemed skeptical when I suggested that anxiety could be helpful. She crossed her arms, leaned back, and replied, “Nopes, that just doesn’t match my experience. Anxiety is ruining my life.”
I nodded and said, “I get that. It’s loud, persistent, and completely overwhelming, right?”
“Exactly,” she replied, her voice sharpening. “I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. It’s like this weight pressing on me all the time.”
I asked her to describe a specific moment when anxiety had affected her recently. After a moment of reflection, she said, “Well, I was anxious about this weird mole I noticed a few months ago. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so I finally called a dermatologist. Turns out, it was nothing serious, but… I guess it’s good I went.”
I smiled gently. “So, in that case, your anxiety pushed you to take action that benefited you in the long run. Does that sound fair?”
She hesitated, then shrugged. “Sure, but that’s the exception, not the rule. Most of the time, it’s like my anxiety has me in a chokehold. It’s an all-day, every-day thing, and it’s exhausting.”
I leaned forward and said, “Tell me more about what’s happening in your life right now. Is there something particularly stressful going on?”
She sighed deeply. “It’s this month,” she admitted. “It’s always hard for me. There are a lot of anniversaries tied to my past traumas this time of year. I didn’t even realize it until we started talking.”
I nodded again, sensing a breakthrough. “That makes a lot of sense. Your anxiety is on high alert because it’s trying to protect you. It remembers those past experiences and wants to make sure you’re safe now. It’s doing its best to keep you from being hurt again.”
Her eyes widened slightly as she processed this. “I’ve never thought of it like that,” she said. “So, you’re saying my anxiety isn’t trying to ruin my life? It’s just… overreacting because it thinks I’m still in danger?”
“Exactly,” I replied. “It’s working overtime to shield you from pain, but it doesn’t realize that you’re in a different place now. You’re older, wiser, and more equipped to handle things. Part of our work can be about helping your anxiety understand that it doesn’t have to carry that burden anymore.”
She sat quietly for a moment, then said, “That’s… actually kind of comforting. I mean, I still hate feeling this way, but at least I know it’s not trying to hurt me.”
The journey to managing anxiety is not always straightforward. But when we begin to understand its purpose—to protect and safeguard us, even if it goes about it the wrong way—we can start to view it with compassion. And from there, we can gently remind it: “I’m not in that same place anymore. I’ve got this.”
