Repressed Memories of Sexual Abuse: Why You’re Remembering Now
Many people are surprised — and deeply unsettled — when memories of sexual abuse begin to surface years later. You might find yourself thinking, Why now? Why didn’t I remember this before? Did I make this up?
If this is happening to you, there’s something important to know first:
Your mind didn’t forget because you were weak, but because you needed to survive.
Trauma Lives in the Body, Not Just the Mind
Trauma doesn’t live neatly in memory the way everyday experiences do. It lives in the body, in sensations, reactions, emotions, and patterns. When something is overwhelming enough, especially in childhood, the nervous system does what it’s designed to do: it protects you.
For many survivors of sexual abuse, fully holding those memories at the time would have made daily life impossible. So the mind does what it must. It tucks things away. It fragments. It focuses on getting through the day, the week, the years.
This isn’t repression. It’s survival.
Forgetting Was a Way of Living
When abuse happens early, repeatedly, or in environments where there was no safety or support, remembering everything clearly wasn’t an option. You still had to go to school. You still had to function. You still had to relate to people who might not have been safe.
So the memories stayed out of reach — not gone, but held in the background.
For many people, forgetting was the only way to keep living.
So Why Is It Coming Up Now?
This is often the question that brings the most fear.
Memories of sexual abuse often begin to surface when the nervous system senses that something has changed. Not necessarily that you’re “ready” in a neat, confident way — but that the level of overwhelm has shifted.
Sometimes it happens during:
A major life transition
Entering a safer relationship
Becoming a parent
Slowing down after years of survival mode
Therapy or other reflective work
Or simply reaching a point where holding everything down becomes too heavy
In other words:
It didn’t come up because you’re falling apart.
It came up because what was being held down is now too much to keep carrying silently.
Remembering Doesn’t Always Look Like Clear Memories
For many people, remembering doesn’t arrive as a full, linear story.
It might show up as:
Body sensations with no words
Strong emotional reactions that feel out of proportion
Images or fragments that don’t fully make sense
A sudden shift in how you see yourself or your past
A deep knowing without clear details
This can be incredibly disorienting. You might question yourself. You might worry about what’s real. You might feel ashamed for not “knowing sooner.”
None of this means you’re doing something wrong.
If This Is Happening to You
If memories, sensations, or realizations are surfacing now, a few things are worth holding gently:
You are not broken for forgetting.
You are not weak for remembering now.
Your body did what it had to do.
There is no deadline for understanding everything.
You don’t need to have a clear narrative for your experience to be valid.
This is not about uncovering every detail.
It’s about creating enough safety — internally and externally — to not be alone with what’s coming up.
A Gentle Closing Thought
Repressed memories aren’t a failure of memory.
They’re evidence of how hard your system worked to protect you.
If things are surfacing now, it doesn’t mean the past is taking over your life. It often means the way you’ve been surviving no longer fits — and something inside you is asking for care, support, and understanding instead of silence.
You don’t have to rush this.
And you don’t have to carry it alone.
