If You’re Exploring Starting Sex Therapy
If you’re even considering starting sex therapy, something inside you is already paying attention.
Maybe intimacy feels tense instead of natural.
Maybe your body shuts down when you wish it wouldn’t.
Maybe you feel disconnected, resentful, ashamed, confused — or just tired of trying to “fix it” on your own.
And maybe there’s a history there.
Something that happened.
Or something that never felt right.
Sex therapy, especially when there is trauma involved, is not about performance.
It’s not about technique.
And it’s certainly not about forcing yourself to feel something you don’t.
It’s about safety.
When Trauma Is Part of the Story
Sexual trauma doesn’t always announce itself loudly.
Sometimes it shows up as:
Anxiety before intimacy
Emotional numbness
Irritation you can’t explain
A body that freezes
Avoidance
A sense that something is “off,” but you don’t have words for it
Trauma-informed sex therapy understands that your nervous system adapted for a reason.
Your body is not broken.
It learned to protect you.
Healing isn’t about overriding that protection.
It’s about gently helping your system learn that it doesn’t have to work so hard anymore.
A Trauma-Informed Approach to Sex Therapy
When therapy is trauma-informed, we don’t rush.
We don’t dive into details before you’re ready.
We don’t push exposure before regulation.
We don’t treat symptoms as problems to eliminate.
Instead, we ask:
What was your system trying to protect?
What feels unsafe now?
What would safety actually look like for you?
Sex therapy becomes less about “fixing intimacy” and more about rebuilding trust — with your body, your partner, and yourself.
When Faith and Culture Are Part of the Picture
For many people in religious or Orthodox communities, intimacy carries layers of meaning.
There may be:
Modesty expectations
Spiritual questions
Marriage pressures
Stigma around discussing sexuality
Fear of being misunderstood
This is where culturally sensitive, Orthodox-informed sex trauma care matters.
Healing should never require abandoning your values.
You should not have to explain your world in order to feel understood.
You Are Not “Bad at Intimacy”
One of the most painful beliefs I hear is:
“I must be broken.”
But what often looks like dysfunction is protection.
What looks like resistance is fear.
What looks like disinterest is a nervous system bracing.
When we understand intimacy through a trauma lens, the story shifts from:
“What’s wrong with me?”
to
“What happened — and how did I survive it?”
That shift alone can soften years of shame.
If You’re Thinking About Starting
If you’re exploring starting sex therapy, you don’t need a dramatic story to justify it.
You don’t need a diagnosis.
You don’t need certainty.
You don’t even need the right words yet.
You just need a small part of you that is curious about something feeling different.
In trauma-informed sex therapy, you are in control.
You choose the pace.
You choose what to say.
You choose when to pause.
Healing doesn’t come from force.
It comes from safety.
And safety can be built — slowly, respectfully, and without shame.
Sury Klein, LMSW
Trauma & Addiction Therapist
Providing trauma-informed sex therapy and sexual trauma support for adults in NY and NJ.
